Joop (about 36 years old) wrote me several letters in 1996 and 1997 and we spoke with each other on the phone. Joop is a bisexually oriented man, but sees no relation to what he experienced as a child.
Here are some excerpts of what he told me:
“It was June 1973; I had just become 13 when I got to know Jos. He had just moved to G., and he lived in a flat near to our home. After school I used to play soccer with some friends and that’s how I met Jos. We starting talking, and after a few weeks he asked me if I wanted to visit him some time. I did. We developed a relationship in which I received a lot of love and attention.
After a while we went to town together and bought records and cloths and we went to a restaurant. I often spent the night with him. Jos was a father, friend and brother for me, all at the same time.
It took about half a year before we first had a shower together, followed by sex. I guess it was in the Autumn of 1973 when we first slept with each other. Due to my age I was inclined to some experimentation, but Jos did not rush anything. He explained what I had to do and how I could reach an orgasm. In a way, he tried to enlighten me about sex, rather than just doing it with me. Jos never went too far; if there was something I did not want to, he stopped immediately.
The love this man gave me, the feeling to be loved, was such an overwelming, beautiful thing. He had a sincere interest in what I did at school and in my hobbies, such as soccer.
The relationship lasted for 4 years.
It was left to me when I visited him and how often. It could happen that I went to see him 4 times a week, but it was no problem if I stayed away for a while. He understood that I was still a kid, and he gave me enough space to stay a kid. He understood that my friendships with peers were at least as important for me.
Jos was a sweet, tender man. He often took me on his lap and kissed me and that’s how I felt he really loved me. He didn’t often use words to express his love for me, though he did affectionately call me his “little soccer player”.
I learnt a lot from him and it was a real shame that he died at an early age.
I think parents have the right to get to know their child's adult friend, but it should be up to the child whether he wants to see someone or not.”