"...I have fallen in love with Zed [ten years old]. On Braye Beach with Killie I waved and waved to the aircraft till it was out of sight - my wild geese all gone and me a lonely old Charlie on the sands who had waddled down to the water's edge but couldn't fly. It would be unthinkable to make Zed unhappy with the weight of this impractical, unsuitable love. It would be against his human dignity. Besides, I love him for being happy and innocent, so it would be destroying what I loved. He could not stand the weight of the world against such feelings - not that they are bad in themselves. It is the public opinion which makes them so. In any case, on every score of his happiness, not my safety, the situation is an impossible one. All I can do is behave like a gentleman. It has been my hideous fate to have been born with an infinite capacity for love and joy with no hope of using them."

T.H. White

From a private letter...